Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think your dad took our porno
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
