Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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