i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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