I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need a burrito and a hug.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
