ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
