I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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