Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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