so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
