The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
