That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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