dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
