I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't put those talents on a resume
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
