Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She bit a glass in half.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
