I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
