did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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