Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
