Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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