Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
