I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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