I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize