i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
