girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
