Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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