My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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