so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
