Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
