and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
