I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sarcasm needs its own font
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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