His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
