Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
