so explain again why im purple
no
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
