Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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