Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sex in a hospital.. check
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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