I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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