everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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