Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
