Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need water and some morals
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
