1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
