omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
