So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
