I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
