I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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