New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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