I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There r osticjed everywhere
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
