im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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