Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
