Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize