Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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