it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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