Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
