my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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