He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
