but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
