Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
