i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
