at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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