Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
