waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
