the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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