awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
