hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
