i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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