you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
