New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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