Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
