Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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