so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
