Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
