her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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