Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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