I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
