it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
