guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
