my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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